Crazy Car
Seeing the crazy a mile away
Have you ever been driving down the road and see a car and think, “Yep, that is clearly a person suffering from mental illness?”
I know you have. If you haven’t, then you are the one we are all looking at! Now, I’m fully aware that there are many crazy people (this writer included) driving in cars that look absolutely normal to the outside world. If you could see the trash in the backseat, you would think differently. But, there are just some cars that the crazy is written all over it.
Usually this comes in the form of bumper stickers. Sometimes you see a multitude of bumper stickers on the back of a car and you think, “Oh cute. A hippie.” But, sometimes, you see a multitude on the back of a car and you give it a wide berth “just in case.”
I was driving down one of the busiest streets in my city the other day and I came up behind one of these cars. It was an older car. I don’t know make and model. I’m not good about noticing THAT kind of thing. What I did notice is that the car looked well-used, but not well-loved. It had about twenty-two bumper stickers pasted to the back bumper and back window. The only one I remember is one that looked like it may be campaigning for a presidential candidate that said, “Hillary for Prison.”
Once I was close enough to read that, I realized that the person driving was also reading. Or so it seemed. It looked like he was holding up a newspaper reading as he navigated his way through the busy intersections. When we went through one of those intersections, me in the lane right next to him, I realized he wasn’t reading at all. What he was holding did look like a newspaper though it seemed to have the nature of cardboard not newsprint. And, though he would lower it periodically, EVERY TIME we passed through an intersection (and there were a lot) he would hold it up covering his nose and mouth. Sometimes I wondered how he could even see to be driving. He was driving very slowly. In the left lane!
I have no way of knowing for sure what was going on with this guy, but here is my theory. I think he didn’t want his photo taken by all the traffic cameras on that particular stretch of road. In fact, it is difficult to go much of anywhere within our city to avoid such cameras, so if you want to “avoid” them, I guess you have to cover your face while driving through. His well-used, but not well-loved car had a tag just like the rest of us, so I know he could be found — if needed. I just think he has some conspiracy theory in his own mind and doesn’t want any part of facial recognition software.
I think I’m likely to write a short story about the man I imagine him to be. I know it will be nothing like reality and I am making a lot of assumptions based only on appearances. But, there is a man he reminded me of and I think putting the two of them together along with my imagined dude could be fascinating. Oh, I just remembered one other man. Ooh, and there is another one! I have more material than I realized. His name will be Tom or Larry. He lived with his mother until she died. Figuring out what to do from there has been difficult, to say the least. In my imagination, he is satisfied even though he is paranoid. He isn’t unhappy. When he is not driving randomly to “keep them guessing,” he spends all of his time on one spot of the couch watching TV Evangelists. When you ask the folks who go to church with him what he looks like, they struggle to remember. When God looks at Tom (or Larry), God smiles and says, “Ah, my beautiful beloved.” When God reminds those of us who laugh at him that this is true, we are amazed because we know it is true not only for Larry (or Tom), but for each of us too.
