Day Missed, Prayer Meeting, and is Jesus Alive?
Being radically vulnerable through prayer because Jesus is here
Missed a day. Now it is very early in the morning and I can’t sleep. Too much on my mind. Too much to try to boil down to any sense yet. Here is what I’ve been staring at the ceiling thinking about.
I was vulnerable, radically vulnerable, with a group of people last night. Not because I over-shared something deeply private, but because I allowed myself to be fully present with the group, but more importantly, with God.
I’m not Pentecostal in any sense of the term, but I have my moments. I guess while I prayed last night it was one of those moments. I say that because I’m not entirely certain of what I said, though I remember words and phrases. I know it went on far too long. I wonder if there were those in the room who wished I would “just get on with it.” I kept my eyes closed so that I would not wonder those things in the middle of the prayer. I imagine if I had seen faces, it would have been clear. I know that most in the room felt the power of the spirit of Living Jesus like I did. But, I imagine some were tired and bored of hearing my voice. That seems about right to me. As it should be.
I’m using this phrase all the time now — Living Jesus. I’ve always believed Jesus is living and have invoked the power of the Holy Spirit often, but I usually just called Spirit, the Christ. And, while that definitely communicates the power and reverence I have for God living among us, I’m just now truly learning what it means for Jesus to be LIVING AMONG US.
If you aren’t a “church person” and you are still reading this (Hey Friends!), you are brave and wonderful. I’m using a lot of CHURCHY LANGUAGE and I am all too aware that it can sound excluding to others — if not just crazy.
These days it keeps coming back to Anne Lamott. (Hey Anne Lamott!) It seems like I’ve already mentioned her conversion story here. I know I bring it up in a sermon about once every six months or so, but there is just something about the way she tells that story in Traveling Mercies that brings it home. She brings home who Jesus is, how Jesus is with us here and now, and what Jesus does.
I encourage you to find it and read it. I can’t do it the justice it deserves, but imagine a woman who had been told her entire life that her intellect was what mattered most. Christians were ignorant, unwilling to educate themselves. She is an alcoholic, having an affair with a married man, gets pregnant and has an abortion. Can you imagine it?
Now, don’t forget the part about having been told as long as she can remember that Christians are ignorant, unwilling to educate themselves. The story goes on. It is beautiful. Seriously, Google “Anne Lamott and conversion” and I bet you will find it. Better than that, buy Traveling Mercies and read it! This book is going to come up again. Guaranteed.
After having had an abortion, Anne got drunk. After being near blacked out drunk, she realized she was hemorrhaging from the procedure. Being too embarrassed that she had immediately gotten drunk, she decided she would just die that night instead of calling anyone for help. Then, this woman who had been taught her intellect was everything and Christians were ignorant felt the presence of the Living Jesus in the corner of the room. She describes him as just sitting in the corner (I think she says something like “leaning against the wall on his haunches.”) And, he simply stays there. He is simply present with her as she bleeds through the night, as she finally falls asleep and receives some peace. Jesus showed up and she had no doubt it was him. Jesus showed up and required absolutely nothing of her. Jesus showed up and just sat with her while she moved through the dark of night into the morning light.
Holy Shit! Am I right? That is some holy shit! I will always second guess myself. It is in my nature. Unfortunately, I think I have instilled good and strong into my kids to second guess themselves too. I will always wonder what people think of me, especially after I’ve allowed them to see me in a vulnerable state. I don’t need pep talks about that. I don’t need flowers. I will always take chocolate. This, though, isn’t about me. This is about the Living Jesus being present with us in our darkest moments and leading us into the light. I believe he was present in, through, among, and around a prayer I prayed out loud in front of others last night. I felt the presence of the Living Jesus with us — in the room.
I honestly do not care what you call this Presence. If I’m telling you the whole truth (and I’m working at it) you can use all kinds of names and in my mind I know it is Jesus. I realize for people of other faiths that sounds arrogant or maybe just ridiculous. And, I may be wrong. God knows I may be wrong! But, I believe the Living Jesus is present in each of our lives — every single one of us. And, whatever you call that, I’m praying today that you feel that presence carrying you through.
