Painful Self-Introspection
Just the start
Today’s painful self-realization is that I work a lot harder to make men around me happy than I do to make women around me happy. I want everyone to be happy so I do a good bit to please all the people but I had another one of those moments of feeling my brain go “click” as I realized how much time and energy I spent on just trying to satisfy the men in my life. Hubby will be scoffing about right now. He, of course, gets the least of this time and energy but he still gets more than, say, my sister or my BFF.
Is this what middle-age is? Realizing you have become everything you hoped you would never become?
When the director of a show I’m working on is a male I give just a little bit more attention than I do when the director is a female. Look, I warned you at the top. This is painful. You think it is painful to read? Imagine how I feel!
Most people around me would never notice the difference. It is all more in my mind than in my actions or words. O God, I pray it is more in my mind than actions and words.
This is just the beginning of exploring these thoughts. Painful self-realization will have to continue tomorrow.
