What Grace Looks Like
The most embarrassing moment of my life
This is the story of the most embarrassing moment of my life. It isn’t the only embarrassing moment of my life, but so far it holds the top position. I’ll be fine if it maintains that position until the day I die. I don’t want anything more embarrassing to happen.
Before I had kids of my own, I was an aunt. And, I was lucky enough to be put on a team with one of my nieces for a church camp. (Church camp plays a huge role in our lives!) My niece was practically grown by this time and she was helping me lead a drama team at the camp. I was in my late twenties. There is only ten years between the two of us.
She and I, with one other person, would be in charge of creating scenes that would be performed by a five person team of youth attending the camp. That drama team had a very important role at camp. We were responsible for presenting the theme of the day each morning to the entire camp of over 200 high schoolers. We took it all very seriously and we rehearsed for hours each day to make sure that what we presented was the best it could be.
I just realized that I’ve never written this down. I’m not sure it will be the same as hearing it told with all my vocal intonations. Use your imagination.
I started writing weeks before the camp began. I thought of a general story-line into which we could build the themes each day. I would write the scripts ahead of time so that the youth could just memorize scripts and “put it on its feet” once we were together. I say we took it seriously, but that does not mean that we wanted every presentation to be serious.
We had five daily presentations to create. My niece and I discussed it beforehand. We came up with an idea — what if it was kind of like a soap opera? Each day would build on the day before. Instead of five separate skits, it would be one whole script in five scenes. The setting was a Cruise for Troubled Teens. For the life of me I can’t remember what the week’s overall theme was. That should tell you something right away!
The characters included a young woman who had inappropriate relationships and a suicidal boy who had no friends. I remember that there was a jock who everyone thought was dumb. Of course, there was a stoner (played by the actual stoner in the group!) And, I can only guess that the last character was a bookworm. All the usual stereotypes in a teen drama. You don’t really need to know more than that because the most embarrassing moment of my life happened during “a commercial” for the soap opera about the teen cruise.
It was a great idea. We would insert funny commercials into each day’s presentation and we would use those commercials to specifically present some of the passages of scripture that would be used that day in small group discussions. For example, I know one of the commercials was a parody of the current Pepto Bismol commercial where the people in the office dance and sing “Heartburn, indigestion, upset stomach, diarrhea.” So, my writing really was at peak performance. I have no idea which scripture that was supposed to illuminate.
However, I do remember that one of the scriptures for one of the days was Moses when the bush caught fire in front of him and he heard the voice of God speak to him. Though it burns, the bush was not consumed by the fire. This was one of the ways in which Moses knew that this was a God thing.
I had another good idea! We will do a Preparation H parody. Apparently, I was really into potty humor at the time. But, I didn’t really tell anyone it was Preparation H. I just wrote the sketch.
A youth sits in a chair center stage. Clearly experiencing discomfort, they shift in their seat. There is a “voice-over” talking about burning and itching in some way. Then, another youth pops out next to the chair with a tube of “Burning Bush Cream.”
Now, this story is going to tell you many things about myself. So, keep in mind I’m trying to be radically vulnerable. One thing it is going to tell you is that I was really naïve well into adulthood. Another thing it will reveal is that once I have something in my mind, it takes a burning bush moment to divert me from what I am thinking about.
I wrote the script before camp. I emailed it to my niece. She emailed back,
“I think it is great. Truly. Do you think we can get away with the burning bush thing?”
I replied,
“Well, it will probably make some people mad, but it will be okay.”
I did NOT ever use the word “bush” to speak about private parts. EVER! In my imagination, we might as well be saying Preparation H. And, while that is still gross, I didn’t see why it would be that big of a deal.
“It will be funny!”
She asked me at least three times before camp started. Then we read the scripts out loud when we were all gathered. All five of the youth cackled loudly when we read that part.
I thought, “Oh, good. See? I am witty.”
One of those youth, who happens to be a female, immediately volunteered to play that part — the part of the squirming human in the chair who needs Burning Bush Cream. Before any of the other adults in the space could say anything, I said, “Sure! That’s great.”
This is a classic example of how easily we can be confused. I was literally the ONLY person in the room who DID NOT GET IT. But, no one knew that I didn’t get it. The sound board operator said,
“Man, you are really trying to piss people off this week, aren’t you?”
I thought he thought Preparation H was crossing a line!
“Well, its always going to happen in one way or another.”
The other adult on our team said,
“I think it is great. But, are you certain you want to do this?”
I replied, “Yes!”
The kids thought I was the coolest person on the planet. My niece thought I’d lost my mind. Not one of them thought that I DID NOT completely understand what I had written! I had no idea.
I continued to have absolutely no idea. I think that sometimes when I share this story people question, “How could this be true?” All I can tell you is that it was true. This is the most embarrassing moment in my life for multiple reasons.
I was so proud of our work that week that I had a video camera and recorded each “episode.” In order to do this, I had to set the camera in the back of the space on top of a table next to the sound board. I would stand there, on top of the table, while recording each morning’s presentation. So proud!
When we got to this part of the presentation, the girl who had volunteered gave the best acting performance of her life. I mean she PLAYED IT UP. Squirming, shifting from side to side. The voice-over was saying something like, “Do you find yourself with a burning itch that can’t be consumed?” All the youth and adults starting laughing.
“Yes! I AM witty!”
Then, the boy pops out with the box that has written in large black letters on the side: BURNING BUSH CREAM. The actors pause because THEY KNOW what’s coming.
There was an audible gasp. I’ve never experienced anything like it. The entire pavilion of over 200 people gasped at the same time, each person taking in a big gulp of air in disbelief, then there was chaos. One second after the collective gasp, the entire place erupted into screams and laughter. The youth went crazy.
I am not lying to you.
IT WAS AT THAT MOMENT that I realized what we were saying. If you watch the video, you can hear me next to the camera,
“Oh my God!”
I look at the sound board operator,
“Why didn’t you tell me? I didn’t know! Why didn’t you tell me!?”
He just laughed and said, “We thought you knew.”
If there are any pictures of me from that moment, I know my face was completely red. I was certain the director of the camp was going to throw me out and never ask me to help again.
While the laughter continued among the youth, I caught the director’s eye. His wife was sitting next to him. She had been watching me. I could see her lips moving as she said to him, “She didn’t know. She didn’t know.”
When I walked up to him afterwards and apologized for being so incredibly stupid, he said,
“I thought it was a brilliant piece of writing.”
